As a kid, I aspired to be two things: a fashion designer and a softball MVP. As a semi-adult, I live with 1 bf (Craig) & 2 bffs (Ellen and Danny) and draw about a fake universe in which both of those things are true. Well, in the words of my girl Sandra's dad in While You Were Sleeping, "life doesn't always turn out the way you plan."
1. It was 2011 and I entered your typical Hallmark movie love story. I walked into a beer pong tournament full of strangers, heard my favorite song blasting from the turntable, walked over to see who put it on, and my life was never the same. "Hey," I said (smooth, I know), "this song rocks." "No," Craig responded, "its fucking awesome. Listen, this might be a little forward but it is just so nice to meet another human who shares my affinity for Dennehy culture... Would you want to play softball sometime?" Did I ever. We played every Thursday for the next 5 years, slowly gathering a crew of the fellow Dennehy-loving softball-playing kids in town, aptly named Team Dennehy forever more.
2. We met Tomas at the neighborhood cafe whilst designing our softball team's 2017 hat. Ellen and I were in a heated debate over the proper ratio of sequin to chunk glitter for the cap. I was about to win the argument when we were interrupted by a man far too chic for the streets of Chicago. "Pardon," he said, "but I am in need of a bit of a glitter expert. You two seem to have some strong opinions, would you care to help with a project?" Never being ones to shy away from a sparkle-related conversation, we happily agreed. And so was born Bottega Veneta's gigantic glittery clutch at London's Chiswick House, along with a beautiful friendship rooted in glitter, black forest cake, and a regular delivery of neckties for the boys to "spiff up the old softball tank," as Tomas would say.
3. The August 24th 2017 Dennehy win at Welles Park recitation by our captain, N. Heins:
"History was made that cool late summer evening. Over at Welles Park, with Dennehy up to bat in the last inning, the sun burned orange as it began to set, literally and figuratively on the squad. With two outs and nobody on in the bottom of the 7th, Dennehy's season rested on the shoulders of S. Lauer. Lauer didn't disappoint, ripping a single through the left side of the infield. With the tying run on base, up came team skipper, the beating heart of Dennehy, N. Hynes. Hynes had walked on three pitches earlier in the evening, taking advantage of the league's dubious and perhaps misogynist rule that when a man accomplishes such a feat, the woman behind him can choose to take a walk as well. In both instances, the following batter, B. Goesling happily took the walk. In both instances, this caused the opposing team to bleat like slaughtered pigs. So with the bases loaded and two out, the opposing team pouting like babies, up came pitcher T. Lorenz, who had so far twirled a four run gem. Lorenz lined a shot down the line for what looked to everyone to be the game winning hit but alas it was waved foul. With the patience and will of an aged samurai, Lorenz worked the count to a third consecutive walk, tying the game at 3 a piece. Catcher A. Suo went down valiantly grounding out to the pitcher and Dennehy was headed to extra innings. In the top of the eighth, with a man on and limited visibility, a line shot was picked out of the dark by stalwart first baseman E. Ross, who quickly doubled off the runner, sending Dennehy to the plate with a chance to win. Top of the order, center fielder C. Quinn started Dennehy off right with a shot up the middle for a base hit. Ross then lined a shot to left field for the first out. Left fielder D. Lally hit an opposite field base hit and Quinn advanced from first to third. Up came the MVP. M. Bunzol had carried the team offensively this season. To wit, he knocked the only three non-walk runs in the game on two majestic dongs. Bunzol would not disappoint. He flew out to center and that was all Dennehy needed. Quinn scampered home, the salty ass opposing team refused to shake hands and committed petty theft, and Dennehy's legacy was cemented in history."
4. After the win, worldwide demand for tanks shot up and letters started flooding in. Mr. Brian Dennehy himself asked for a signed jersey, preferably one worn the day of the game. MoMA expressed interest in changing up their latest exhibit, Items: Is Fashion Modern?, to include the full Dennehy collection (in the curator's words, "the presentation shows clothing and accessories with profound impact on our past and present culture, but these Dennehy tanks are the future"). This offer nearly had me, however Danny insisted that we hold out. And on December 20th (yes, I too believe it was a Chanukah miracle), we got what we had always wanted. The snow-soaked envelope from Chicago's 16" Softball Hall of Fame. In exchange for the team's entry to the C16SHoF, the youngest team ever inducted might I add, we would provide the organization tanks, tees, hats, patches and basketball shorts from the team's mighty 5 year history.
5. To celebrate the joy and magic the latter bit of this year brought, the Haus of Dennehy celebrated in the only way we know how, with many ceramic dinosaurs covered in glitter and wearing santa hats. So long 2017, I intend to forget all but that win #champs.